One of the most effective ways that you as a parent can give your child or teenager everything that they need to succeed is to have a positive relationship with them where communication flows freely in both directions – parent-to-child and child-to-parent. Communication is not always easy! Effective communication may take practice. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

• Find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted.  Car trips are a great place to talk.  Turn off the TV if necessary.
• Bridge the gap into your child’s world.  Position yourself at their eye level.  Use words they are familiar with.
• Take turns talking.  Few teenagers will keep an open mind through a long message from a parent that comes across like a lecture.
• Nod your head; give them little verbal prompts like “I see”; and resist the temptation to multi-task so the young person knows that you are listening.
• Check with each other to see if you heard what the other meant to say.
• Use “I” rather than “you” statements to keep the conversation going.  For example, you might say “I felt upset because I don’t think you understand how this affects me” instead of “You make me so angry.”
• Set a family rule that some words are not allowed because they are too hurtful such as put downs, telling lies, name calling, blaming and threatening.
• If you are wrong, admit it.  Saying “I’m sorry” sets a great example for your child and makes you more approachable.
• STAY CALM!  Use a calm voice.  Take deep breaths.  It is OK to take a time out to calm down if you need it. 

The Partnership for a Drug-Free America has a very helpful website for parents at www.timetotalk.org.  You can download a free parent toolkit that is full of great ideas about talking to your children about drugs, alcohol and tobacco as well as general positive family communication.