If your child is exhibiting some of the following signs, they may be the target of a bully or there might be something else going on that warrants a heart-to-heart conversation.

• Torn, damaged or missing clothes, books or other belongings
• Unexplained cuts, bruises or scratches
• Seems afraid or anxious about going to school; finds excuses to stay home
• Lost interest in school or dropping grades
• Sad, moody or emotional (either angry or tearful) at home
• Physical symptoms such as trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, headaches or digestive problems

You could start by asking your child something like, “I am worried about you. Is there anyone at school who is being mean to you?”

If you find out that yes, your child is being deliberately excluded, teased or even physically threatened at school:

1. Reassure your child they did the right thing by telling you and that you will work with them to find a solution. 
   -Explain the difference between tattling (purpose is to get someone in trouble) and telling (purpose is to keep someone safe).
   -Make sure they understand that together you will find a solution that does NOT involve fighting back.  If they fight back physically, they face consequences which include suspension and possibly expulsion.
2. Discuss the situation with your child’s teacher and if necessary, a school administrator.
3. Teach your child to use HAHASO survival skills:
   Help – continue to talk to caring adult
   Assert – make eye contact with the bully. Do not be the first to look away. Use an “I message” like “I am going to…” Use a low voice and stand tall.
   Humor – Let it roll off your back.  Most bullies are looking for a scared reaction so surprise them. Laugh it off. Make a joke out of what they said if possible.
   Avoid – Find safe places and people.  Ask yourself, “Where is the bully? Where am I?” Deliberately stay near adults.
   Self-talk – Give yourself a compliment or a “put up” every time you are “put down”.
   Own it – You could agree with whatever the bully says and not fight back. The important thing is to not give the bully the reaction they are looking for.

Some of these survival skills may not be helpful in your child’s unique situation. Choose the skills that are most relevant and practice them with your child over and over. 

For more information about bullying, go to www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov