If you find out that your child is deliberately excluding, harmfully teasing or even physically threatening another child, they need all the help you can give them.  Six percent of elementary school age children are identified as bullies.  These children are three times more likely to break the law by age 30.  Sixty percent of the boys who are identified as bullies in middle school have at least one criminal conviction by age 24 and 40 percent have three or more convictions.

What can you do to help your child?

1. Make it very clear that in your family, any level of bullying is absolutely unacceptable.  Reassure the child that they are loved unconditionally but this behavior has to stop.
2. Dig deeper.  Try to uncover anything that your child may be angry or worried about.  If you can get a conversation started with your child, you might find they are experiencing a lot of anxiety or even guilt that can be resolved.
3. Form a team.  Have an honest conversation with your child’s teacher.  Consider taking your child to a counselor and/or discussing the situation with your pediatrician or a school administrator.
4. Supervise your child’s interactions with others very closely.  Intervene immediately if you see a problem developing.  Use it as a teachable moment.
5. Often a child who bullies is looking for power and control.  Why should they change?  Give them a clear reason that matters to them.
6. Help them evaluate the results of their actions.  They must clearly understand that bullying will result in negative consequences to them every time.  They must decide if it is worth it.  Use behavior modification which is rewarding a child’s positive behavior and consistently disciplining him/her in an entirely predictable way.
7. A meaningful consequence has the elements:
   a. Ouch – determine what causes enough of a “sting” for your unique child to make him/her think twice about bullying.  This could be loss of video games, 30 minutes of weed pulling, etc….
   b. Light Bulb – create an “AHA moment”.  Help your child write down what they did and why it was harmful.
   c. Restitution – do something kind for the child who was the target of the behavior. 

For helpful fact sheets that discuss many aspects of bullying for parents go to: http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/olweusparent